My High maintanance evil twin is taking over.

I used to be smarter than I am now. I don't know what happened.

Why is it so hard to get my Permanent Residency in Australia? Why do I have to go a thousand mile, which, they will probably change the rules next year and my effort will go to wasteland; or pay $God-knows-how-much just to be a good resident in a country. Isn't my unconditional love towards this country enough already? ^^

So I've stopped going to school since last week. I went to class last Tuesday and everything annoys me. The teacher- who can't teach at all, don't understand what he's teaching, and a bad hairdresser, and the fact that he's the only teacher; The students- most of them just came from overseas therefore can't really speak english (wait, that's not the point), therefore whenever we're having conversations, whatever I say is simply noise to them, and therefore we don't understand each other; One childish guy- who, I don't know why, always sit beside me, just to comment stuff about me, try to make fun of me, sometimes look at me and then laugh by himself like a crazy person, and when I asked him why, he said nothing -_- (I'm too old for those kind of b.s); The school cleaner, and some other creepy stranger- who keeps on staring at me like I'm an object who they can just stare at without making me feel uncomfortable or annoyed...
I'm sick of all that. I won't waste my time in that place, I might as well do something more useful like working or go to a proper school.
I might sound like a bad person to say all that... but if you go to that school, you'll want to rip your arms and hit your own head with it, too.

Maybe I'm moving to Adelaide after July. If I spend 2 years there, working, I'll get Permanent Residency straight away. Somehow I think it's allright. Sure, Adelaide isn't as 'alive' as Melbourne. But all my friends are gone anyway. Marissa will be gone by then too, so I might as well start a new life. And my boyfriend's gonna move with me! Yeay!

Speaking of friends... I'm really picky when choosing friends to hang out with. I'm nice to people, but it doesn't mean I want to hang out with them. Because not everyone can entertain me (I'm easily bored), and not everyone can understand me. Especially girls. And that is why I only have 2 close female friends left here. Hanging out with guys are fun, but girls are different kind of fun! And I'm thinking of opening an audition for more girl friends :P

These two days I've beed working hard in the tea shop. I love my job. No dirt, no heat, no b.s customers. I can actually use my brain in this shop.
And I found out that mint is an aphrodisiac. So why do guys worry so much about being impotent when I offer them mint candies or menthol ciggies? I'm thinking... maybe the ciggies are the ones that makes them impotent. Not the menthol. Think about it.

My fingers are tired.

Real-ly

I love my pink bear hoodie!



♥ Be Yourself is a tricky phrase, especially in the internet world.
The other day I posted in a LiveJournal community, asking where to buy this dress from. Since this photo is from a shop that sell mostly Rockabilly stuff, I asked if anyone there know a community that discuss about Rockabilly fashion.
I got a reply that says: "Yeah, from your myspace I can see that you listen to lots of Rockabilly music, [she's being sarcastic here, cos I don't listen to Rockabilly music]Please be real with ourselves here"

Be Real?

I was being Real. As real as fuck.
My Myspace didn't say that I listen to any Rockabilly band, because I hardly listen to it. My boyfriend does, that's why I only know a little about it. But I prefer other kind of music, that's why those bands are the ones I mentioned in Myspace. That shows I'm being real.
I asked where to buy that dress because I Real-ly wanted it. I loved that dress so much I would marry it.
I asked about Rockabilly Fashion community because I Real-ly like looking at pin-up style clothing.
And bytheway I didn't say anything that makes her think that I like the music. Dumbass.

I was being Real.
But she wanted me to be 'Real' in her own terms.
If I'm being 'real' in her terms, that means I'm becoming her. Not myself.

I was told to always 'Be Myself', but I find that really tricky.
When I really be myself, I got criticised, hated, disapproved, laughed at, made fun of...
If people keep on doing that, when are we going to be comfortable enough in being ourselves?

Overload.

I haven't update much lately, have I?

I've had enough of my hairdressing course. It's not working from both sides.
The school is too crappy and careless about the students, and me myself aren't that interested in blowing people's hair for one whole month. I wish applying for PR could be easier.

I wish I could marry a girl for permanent residency sake :D

I'm planning to finish first semester of my hairdressing course, then apply for another course in July. I'm thinking of Asian Cookery course. I like cooking. I knew it from the start. The reason I took hairdressing instead of cooking was because I wanted to learn something new. And all my life, I'm always good in learning new things. I've never chicken out from a course/study before. No matter how much I hate the course, I'll finish it till the end. But this hairdressing course is just... a nightmare! Maybe it could be better if I move to another hairdressing school, one that is more experienced.

Can't wait to get out of that hellhole.

Weekdays are totally suck for me. That is why I party 3498793x harder than I usually did during weekends. And I think i'm becoming an alcoholic. That's a bad sign, I should stop.

I'm gonna watch Deftones + Thrice tonight! Excited!
Not really excited with Thrice though. Deadbolt is the only song I like from Thrice.
But... Fuck Yeah for Deftones!!!

I'm totally in love with Miss Auf Der Maur. Ex- bassist of Hole/Smashing Pumpkins. Followed The Waves is a neat song. Love it!

x

Visit.

http://darkointhetunnel.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/

Slow Motion.

Happy Birthday to Starry ♥
I gave him a pair of adidas sneakers.
I won't forget the happy grin on his face when he opened the present.

I miss my old class
...and therefore it means: I hate my new class :[
Or maybe I just haven't like it yet.
Hopefully soon I'll begin to like it.... .

It's a totally different kind of environment, I'm not used to it. I drag myself everymorning to come to class and blow-wave a mannequin's hair. By the end of the day, her hair is so fried and crispy. If she were a real woman she would have been screaming for mercy when I blow-waved her hair. And If she were one of those emo scene kids, people would totally made fun of her because of her disasterous unfashionable hair.

I feel sorry for my mannequin. Her name is Angie.

Take care ♥

Bullet.

I'm really tired and had a bad hangover this morning.
I talked way too much when I was drunk.

Fortunately this time nobody's feelings got hurt.

One of the modelling agency I applied to called me for interview (or probably they just wanna prove how horrible I look in real life XD)
They told me for fashion/artistic photography my kind of look isn't on demand. They want white girls, or chinese girls with small eyes and really petite ones. My look isn't Caucasian, and not too Asian either. So even if they accepted me I woule be commercial ad models. Which they said, will make more money.

Oh well, I can't be too idealistic.

They ask me to re-send a disc that contain my photos, and they will have a meeting to decide whether or not they should take me in. *sigh... crossing my fingers*.
Being 'rejected' as a fashion model due to my un-petite body and big eyes makes me really happy, actually. I would NEVEREVEREVEREVER wanna have small eyes and petite body like other chinese girls. Those two things are just..... just..... not looking good in real life. Hmmm, no offence to those who are chinese, have small eyes and petite. I'm sure many people would love small eyes and petite chinese girls. But not me, and I can't deny it. I think girls look really really hot with big eyes and curves. And big boobs. ;P

My job hunting is making a good progress.
I got an interview with IGA Supermarket where Starry works this Saturday, and with Lupicia tea shop this Monday.
And I definetely prefer Lupicia, because it's a cute shop and there's not much people going in there. So it's not busy. And I love tea!!!





More photos of Aura Phobia @arthouse

The gig last Wednesday was great. One of the best Aura Phobia gig I've ever been. The sound system was great.

Gonna go and watch Pan's Labyrinth tonight.
Marisa is going back to Indonesia for holiday tonight.
Sob... I'll miss you darling. Please be back soon. Don't let me rot with boredom and leave me friendless in this fucking humid city.

And don't forget to bring me lots of fake dvds!!! XD

These two days are one of those days when I feel the right to be bitchy, whiny, and a little high-maintanence.
Don't take my words too personally, give physical attention but NOT mental attention to my complaints and whining, do whatever I say as long as it doesn't kill you, and take me to places with good air conditioning... if you still want to live and not losing one or two fingers.....

Madness.

Starry and I went to watch Babel the movie last night.
I like it. Recommended. It left me feeling a little melancholic though.
The story about the desperate-for-love deaf/mute Japanese girl is something that I could relate with to in my younger years. Didn't get much love from her father and being isolated by the society, she gets a little too desperate to find love (and maybe sex). I used to be just like her, but slightly different (cos I don't flash my vagina to some random guys, and I don't invite police officers to my home and get naked in front of him).

I wasn't close with my dad when I was younger. I hardly talked to him. He hardly cared much about me. My dad used to be a really quiet man, and he hardly showed any affection to anyone except my mom. He's always been a great guy, but he was just not the kind of person who tell his daughter that he loved her or something. So I grew up wanting too much attention from people, especially guys. Sometimes there were times I could get really desperate.
But in the past few years, I don't know why and I don't know how, we became closer, and now we're having a good father-daughter relationship :] And I don't seek for attention as much as I used to.

It's something that you boys (or your future husband) should be reminded about. Care for your daughter. A LOT. Talk to her, tell her you love her, pat her on the head or shoulder. Or else she might grew up to become some desperate little bitch trying to get every guys' attention. It's proven by psychologists.

I'm getting sick of this job search I've been going through. Nobody seem to want to employ me. What' wrong with me???? Am I not cute enough for them? ahahahahaha. Just kidding. I'll go and submit more resume today. I need a job. I need money. I need more money to buy vinyl toys. :P
Someone is becoming a vinylaholic.

Filler Bunny, Me, and the almighty Optio...



Sometimes I grieve for deaths that haven't happen yet.
I have my friends that I've lost.