1:2:3:4:5:666.

6 days to total freedom.

oh, and HAPPY BELATED HALOWEEN to those who celebrate it.
We're having our last uni haloween party on the 10th. Can't wait!!! This year the theme is Alter Ego.
My alter ego has always been any kind of woman who kills, or anykind of powerful women. My favourite character is schoolgirl who play samurai swords, like Gogo from Killbill vol1. I guess I'm gonna dress up as Gogo. But me and Starry want to dress up with something similar. We have some ideas:

- Me: Gogo, Starry: one of the crazy88 guys with black suit n black tie and swords.
- Me: Samurai girl wearing kimono, Starry: Samurai boy
- Me: Police woman, Starry: Criminal
- Me: (sexy) nurse, Starry: Mental Institution Patient (I'll definetely do something with his hair to make him look MAD)
- and here's MY idea, but Starry hates it. Me: sexy Santa girl, Starry: a real santa claus with fake HUGE tummy and loong white beard. Haha!

Which one do u think will suit us?

Just came back from uni to print stuff. Printing is a PAIN IN THE ASS. I mean, designing the stuff isn't such a bigdeal. I just need my brain and eyes to make them look good. But Printing..... especially using macintosh... the thing that come out of the printer doesn't look the same with the one on the screen sometimes. Then I imagine I have to cut them one by one... neatly (my weakest area is to do something NEAT), bind them, glue them together... AAAAARGH!!!!!

So far my works are looking good (that's what I think... n I don't care about what YOU think). Atleast I'm looking at pieces of works that I would take if they were given out for free (or buy them if they were really cheap).


Update! Update!



New Photos of Aura Phobia in my Flickr. I hope they like it.




A few freshly scanned illustration. Gonna put em in deviantart when my internet connection is fast (I don't know why... but it's really slow lately.)

Gotta go. Good luck for your exams, projects, assignments of whatever if you have any.

"....Gue Percaya ama Loe."

It's harder to say than saying, "Gue sayang ama Loe."

Gue sayang kok ama dia. Sayang banget. Dan nggak susah buat sayang ama orang kayak dia.
Tapi percaya? errr.....

Ini sih bukan salah DIA-nya. Dia bisa dipercaya. Dia nggak pernah aneh2, dia selalu tepat janji, tepat waktu, dia percaya banget ama gue.......
Tapi GUE nya yang emang nggak bisa percaya ama SEMUA ORANG. Coba gue itung.... seumur idup, ada berapa orang yg gue percaya sepenuhnya dan selamanya........

.... nggak satupun.



Dulu gue feel totally comfortable with my anti-trust self. Gue ngerasa, nggak perlu kok gue percaya ama org laen. Gue cuma perlu percaya ama diri gue sendiri. Cuma GUE yg tau how to control myself, and how to control others. Gue gak perlu terlalu deket ama orang sampe2 harus PERCAYA ama tu orang. Being a sweet, caring friend, but still keeping a distance in certain extend, is the best way.

Jadi kalo ada orang yang bisa sampe dapet kepercayaan gue sepenuhya, that person must be God.
(And yes, I believe in God. But God is not a person and he's not alive.)

But last night, shit happen, n gue akhirnya mesti bikin keputusan whether or not I can trust him.
Karena dia bilang dia capek, sama kecurigaan gue yang nggak ada alesan jelas, sama keraguan gue ama feeling dia k gue....., karena dia bilang gue actually bisa percaya sama dia, dan dia bisa jadi orang pertama yg bisa gue percaya..., karena dia BUTUH gue percaya supaya dia bisa tenang, atow lama2 dia bisa hilang kesabaran.

Jadi akhirnya I take the first step to start what I've decide to do. Even though it made my lips trembled, my heart choked my throat, my body shivered in fear, gue turunin harga diri gue yang dulunya setinggi langit dan kesombongan gue buat percaya sama orang lain. Oh man, rasanya bener2 kayak berdiri di antrian Giant Drop n penjaganya udah ngebuka gerbang nyuru gue masuk n take the ride....

I finally said those for words that are bigger than my life, saved the relationship, and I truly want to mean it.

First whiny entry of the month.

I'm not sure whether it's because of the heat, my pms, or I just have lack of sleep last night... but I feel like I've been beaten up and I feel so weak. I'm waiting for my starbucks coffee... Grande Cappucinno with two sachets of diet sugar and hell lots of chocolate powder (hope he gets it right), then I'll have some power to do my illustration map shit.

God knows I HATE this project.
It's too complicated, and my brain is not organised enough to draw a map that has to be based on reality.
Reality sucks!!! I wanna create something that is unreal!

I need to WHINE

- MILKY BAR SUCKS!!!!
Why do people eat them anyway? They taste like solid plain milk and they make me sick!

- I don't know why... but TODAY... everyone's face is ugly, everyone's voice is annoying, I want to beat up my teddy bear and throw him out the window (but i'll miss him....), I want to kick everyone in the ass, and make little children cry!!!!!

- I wanna annoy people around me. Make them angry. And I'll laugh in Victory.

- I can't show my unreasonable anger to my boyfriend this month... cos I've promised myself not to. I have to have SELF CONTROL. *take a deep breath.... breathe out slowly.... calm down..... I can do it....*

- I know this is weird... but since last night... I can't stop thinking WHY does HELL and JAIL has to rhyme a little?

- I just wanna sit back and relax on a comfy bed in a bedroom where the sun doesn't heat it up like an oven (definetely NOT my bedroom), wear nice cami and panties, drink long island ice tea, and have other people to run errands for me... and be really2 HIGH MAINTANANCE just for TODAY.
oh please... my whole life... I've become a girl who doesn't ask too much, be independent, do my own stuff and deal with my own problems without dragging people inside to suffer with me. So FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE... I wanna be 'maintained highly'.
Just like (most) other indonesian girls in Melbourne. HAHA.

Ugh!!!!!!!!! I'm against the world.... all bymyself, n I don't need anyone's company.

hotdayz.

From now on I'm gonna be more serious in doing my final projects. I only have 2 weeks left as a student, I have to be serious unless I want to go through another year of this. No way.
I have to finish MIFF n magazine projects by monday. So i'll have the whole 2 weeks for theory journal and illustrations.

I had a fun day yesterday shooting photos for a band called Aura Phobia. I'll post photos in flickr when I'm done with the editing. I'm going to do their press kits for their upcoming tour in december as well. I'm excited ^^!!!

I've signup for deviant art account: [zerophobic]. That's where I'm gonna put my graphic design/illustrations work. I had an online porfolio: [bunnysuicide], but they only allow me to put up 10 works, and they're not so flexible. So far there r only 4 works in deviant art, but I'm gonna put more by next week after I've scan them all :D

I'm a little disappointed I can't go to Gigantour this coming Tuesday. I wanna save up money to have fun after 6th of November. Yeah, I'm gonna have 1 month of unlimited FUN! I'm NOT gonna spend it just for a night of sweaty, screamy night watching metal bands (no matter how bad I wanna see Arch Enemy again).

I feel sorry for one of the most annoying kid in the world who goes to my school (if you go to RMIT comm design course, u'll know who I'm talking about). She has a crush with a third-year guy since the beginning of the year... she's CRAZY about him. So finally, since the end of the year is coming, and next year the guy won't be around anymore, she sent an email to the guy saying that she has a feeling for him. Then the guy said he already has a girlfriend.

But, as far as I know... that guy doesn't have a girlfriend. He lied because he thinks she's freaky. I feel really sorry for her, even though I always try to run away from her in school. But trust me, if you were me, u'll do that too.

So Bloody Ravenous.

I'M FUCKIN HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going out for dinner with my uni friends, supposedly in 15 minutes time... but bloody hell, they postpone it to 7pm cos the restaurant will only be open by then.
And i'm already sooo hungry.

So, last night I went to see Unearth, Lamb of God and Killswitch Engage in concert.
They're great, but the sound is bad. It's too noisy. It's always noisy in the Palace complex. Same thing when I went for Arch Enemy concert. ah... whatever.
But my ears are still deaf.

I'M HUNGRYYYYY I'M HUNGRYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder if my boyfriend ever think that he's so damn lucky to have a girl like me... and that if he's with other girls he might not be as happy as he is.
hmmm.....

Broken.

I'm completely... dead-end... broke.
Well, sure I still have some money. but that money will be gone by end of this month cos I need to pay my rent and my graduation (Motherfuckers, why do we have to PAY for our damn graduation?!?! Isn't our course fee expensive enough?!?!). So I really don't know what to eat next month.
I can ask money from my parents, but it's gonna cost me a deaf ear cos my mom is gonna give me lectures about how to save money. Well, face the fact that graphic design projects cost lots of money, dammit!

As usual... whenever I go broke, I start to imagine things I'm gonna do in order to get money.
One of the common dreams I have when I'm broke is finding a chunk of money on the street where no one is watching. It's gonna be about 2000 bucks, so i put them in my pocket and make them mine. Finders, Keepers.

Or, I think of winning lotteries or some sort of... instant money from a lucky draw. I just cant understand, I've tried to enter those lucky draw competitions a few times in my life, and the only time I ever won was when I enter a baby food competition when I was younger by colouring the pictures inside the packaging, and I won a teddy bear. I never won any money!!! Do they really give away money or is that just some business tricks to make people buy more of their products??????

Lately I've also been thinking... I should marry an old millionaire. Imagine, one of those old guys whose wife has died a few years ago... he has been soo lonely... he's just waiting for their time to arrive when he is going to be with the late wife forever in heaven, but his bank accounts are everywhere... and he has endless money. But, he can't spend it on anything because he's basically just too old for everything... so why not spend on a young wife... like me? So i'll marry him for a year... treat him nicely, make him give me money and buy me sweet little precious gifts... for about one or two years....

then........, BAM!!!

I'll have an affair... with a young 20-something guy named Starry.
My old husband will be so devastated that he's gonna have a heart attack, and die. On his deathbed, he'll write his last letter to me, saying that he forgives me, and he loves me so dearly, and he give EVERYTHING that he has to me.

From then on... me and the guy named Starry, lives happily... and FILTHY RICH... ever after.

The end.

ohmygod..... I watch too much Desperate Housewives.

16 days.

In 16 days my life as a student will be over.

I'm not that happy. In fact, I'm worried.
No, worried isn't good enough to express how i feel. I'm PARANOID .

What if I don't get a job? Most of my good friends are going back for good end of this year, then who am I going to hangout with next year? Will I find friends like them again? How about money? In a short time my parents will ask me to rely on myself for expenses. WHERE THE HELL can I get those extra cash to buy the things that I want? What if no graphic design firm find my works interesting? What if everything falls apart? What if... what if... what if..........................

I hate goodbyes as much as I hate a new beginning. But I dislike everything that doesn't change either. It gets boring.

The only thing that excites me from graduating is when I can finally find a job that makes me wear those sexy secretary outfit and seduce the hot boss and get pay raise as a thank you.........................
Hahah. Just kidding. I'll seduce my own man at home, then as a return he'll wash the dishes for me. :P
I'm also excited to finally be able to make money to fulfill my dreams. There are my dreams:
- I'm gonna oraganise a gig for ALL Indo-melbournians rock bands. This is a straight edge rock gig. There's NO RnB or pop allowed, no acoustic... if there;s no distortion then you can fuck off. There will be auditions. And those that we don't like will be rejected in the most unreasonable manner, such as: "oh I'm sorry, you've got three guitarists... you're not accepted."

- I'm gonna buy that bar in Croft Ln/Pl/whatever... called Kroft Institute. Cos it's lookin' baaad, when I think it has the potential to look so damn good. And I'm gonna turn it to something waaaaaaay cooler. The bartenders will wear bloody nurse outfits, music: goth industrial, the shots will be drank out of testtubes... and I'm thinking of a cool way to drink the beer and cocktails. hmmm. If I cant buy kroft institute then I'm gonna open it in other place.

- I'm gonna have my own clothing line and toys. :D :D

Now... I CAN'T WAIT to graduate.

My firsts.

"I'm neither one of them, nor one of you. I'm ME.
I'm the one who stand in the corner, smirking at you expensive uniformity that expose your cheap insecurity..."

I wake up one morning and suddenly realising that I'm sick of metalcore songs.

Well, I'm not saying that I've become anti-metalcore and start listening to Chiara or Snoop Dog (Trust me.... RnB IS still the worst kind of music that ever goes through my ears). It's just that... all metalcore songs sound similar, with all their similar riffs, especially the BREAKDOWN and built up.... and they're becoming one of those overrated genres!!!!! I don't find the... 'art' in metalcore anymore.
Besided that, I'm just SICK and TIRED of falling under the label of being a 'metalhead'. Fuck metalheads. All they're saying is they don't wanna be labelled or judged, but unconsciously, they let themselves be labelled as a bloody metalhead. And I hate how they stereotype themselves and their kinds, like... how they think that BLACK is the only colour that metalhead should wear, and if they don't do certain things they're not 'metal' enough. Oh well, fuck that... we're all human and music is NOT about the shirt, your fucking long hair and your attitude.
I can listen to metal and wear a hello kitty shirt at the same time... and NO metalhead can diss me about that.

Okay, enuff said. If you're a metalhead, don't attack me... just realise that what I said is true for most of you.

I guess I might take a break from listening to too much metalcore for a while and start to be open to more music genre.

Lately I'm into shoe-gazing music.... bands like My Bloody Valentine, Slowdive, Friday (Indonesian shoe-gaze band... they're the BEST!!!!), TheRedsunBand........
I can see the 'art' in those music, u know.... and what's even better... not many people like them... so they don't become boring or overrated anytime soon. Atleast I hope so.

My life as a student will be over in a few weeks, n I still can't believe that. I really gonna miss being a student. This year has been quite a great year. Lots of things happen this year for the first time.
My first kiss (yea yea... I kind of saving my lips for the one I really love.)... and of course the kiss leads to something else further... for the first time ;), My first real love, my first valentine, My first rose, My first long distance relationship, my first bunny, my first dead pet (pinkponk, my dog for 11 years, died early this year), my first time touching a dead living thing (trixie and morgoth), my first birthday spent with a boyfriend, my first band, my first gig ^^, my first time becoming a model for someone else's photoshoot, my first graphic design job (even though I didn't get paid at all)........ wow. I guess my life is just starting ;).

Hello.

Hi, so here's where I'm gonna post my blog from now on. If you wanna read my previous posts, please go to:
http://chokedbyhalos.livejournal.com.

Thank you.