"....Gue Percaya ama Loe."

It's harder to say than saying, "Gue sayang ama Loe."

Gue sayang kok ama dia. Sayang banget. Dan nggak susah buat sayang ama orang kayak dia.
Tapi percaya? errr.....

Ini sih bukan salah DIA-nya. Dia bisa dipercaya. Dia nggak pernah aneh2, dia selalu tepat janji, tepat waktu, dia percaya banget ama gue.......
Tapi GUE nya yang emang nggak bisa percaya ama SEMUA ORANG. Coba gue itung.... seumur idup, ada berapa orang yg gue percaya sepenuhnya dan selamanya........

.... nggak satupun.



Dulu gue feel totally comfortable with my anti-trust self. Gue ngerasa, nggak perlu kok gue percaya ama org laen. Gue cuma perlu percaya ama diri gue sendiri. Cuma GUE yg tau how to control myself, and how to control others. Gue gak perlu terlalu deket ama orang sampe2 harus PERCAYA ama tu orang. Being a sweet, caring friend, but still keeping a distance in certain extend, is the best way.

Jadi kalo ada orang yang bisa sampe dapet kepercayaan gue sepenuhya, that person must be God.
(And yes, I believe in God. But God is not a person and he's not alive.)

But last night, shit happen, n gue akhirnya mesti bikin keputusan whether or not I can trust him.
Karena dia bilang dia capek, sama kecurigaan gue yang nggak ada alesan jelas, sama keraguan gue ama feeling dia k gue....., karena dia bilang gue actually bisa percaya sama dia, dan dia bisa jadi orang pertama yg bisa gue percaya..., karena dia BUTUH gue percaya supaya dia bisa tenang, atow lama2 dia bisa hilang kesabaran.

Jadi akhirnya I take the first step to start what I've decide to do. Even though it made my lips trembled, my heart choked my throat, my body shivered in fear, gue turunin harga diri gue yang dulunya setinggi langit dan kesombongan gue buat percaya sama orang lain. Oh man, rasanya bener2 kayak berdiri di antrian Giant Drop n penjaganya udah ngebuka gerbang nyuru gue masuk n take the ride....

I finally said those for words that are bigger than my life, saved the relationship, and I truly want to mean it.