Zerophobic Nation

My High maintanance evil twin is taking over.

2007-04-01T07:07:00.000-07:00

I used to be smarter than I am now. I don't know what happened.

Why is it so hard to get my Permanent Residency in Australia? Why do I have to go a thousand mile, which, they will probably change the rules next year and my effort will go to wasteland; or pay $God-knows-how-much just to be a good resident in a country. Isn't my unconditional love towards this country enough already? ^^

So I've stopped going to school since last week. I went to class last Tuesday and everything annoys me. The teacher- who can't teach at all, don't understand what he's teaching, and a bad hairdresser, and the fact that he's the only teacher; The students- most of them just came from overseas therefore can't really speak english (wait, that's not the point), therefore whenever we're having conversations, whatever I say is simply noise to them, and therefore we don't understand each other; One childish guy- who, I don't know why, always sit beside me, just to comment stuff about me, try to make fun of me, sometimes look at me and then laugh by himself like a crazy person, and when I asked him why, he said nothing -_- (I'm too old for those kind of b.s); The school cleaner, and some other creepy stranger- who keeps on staring at me like I'm an object who they can just stare at without making me feel uncomfortable or annoyed...
I'm sick of all that. I won't waste my time in that place, I might as well do something more useful like working or go to a proper school.
I might sound like a bad person to say all that... but if you go to that school, you'll want to rip your arms and hit your own head with it, too.

Maybe I'm moving to Adelaide after July. If I spend 2 years there, working, I'll get Permanent Residency straight away. Somehow I think it's allright. Sure, Adelaide isn't as 'alive' as Melbourne. But all my friends are gone anyway. Marissa will be gone by then too, so I might as well start a new life. And my boyfriend's gonna move with me! Yeay!

Speaking of friends... I'm really picky when choosing friends to hang out with. I'm nice to people, but it doesn't mean I want to hang out with them. Because not everyone can entertain me (I'm easily bored), and not everyone can understand me. Especially girls. And that is why I only have 2 close female friends left here. Hanging out with guys are fun, but girls are different kind of fun! And I'm thinking of opening an audition for more girl friends :P

These two days I've beed working hard in the tea shop. I love my job. No dirt, no heat, no b.s customers. I can actually use my brain in this shop.
And I found out that mint is an aphrodisiac. So why do guys worry so much about being impotent when I offer them mint candies or menthol ciggies? I'm thinking... maybe the ciggies are the ones that makes them impotent. Not the menthol. Think about it.

My fingers are tired.

Real-ly

2007-03-07T20:40:00.000-08:00

I love my pink bear hoodie!

♥ Be Yourself is a tricky phrase, especially in the internet world.
The other day I posted in a LiveJournal community, asking where to buy this dress from. Since this photo is from a shop that sell mostly Rockabilly stuff, I asked if anyone there know a community that discuss about Rockabilly fashion.
I got a reply that says: "Yeah, from your myspace I can see that you listen to lots of Rockabilly music, [she's being sarcastic here, cos I don't listen to Rockabilly music]Please be real with ourselves here"

Be Real?

I was being Real. As real as fuck.
My Myspace didn't say that I listen to any Rockabilly band, because I hardly listen to it. My boyfriend does, that's why I only know a little about it. But I prefer other kind of music, that's why those bands are the ones I mentioned in Myspace. That shows I'm being real.
I asked where to buy that dress because I Real-ly wanted it. I loved that dress so much I would marry it.
I asked about Rockabilly Fashion community because I Real-ly like looking at pin-up style clothing.
And bytheway I didn't say anything that makes her think that I like the music. Dumbass.

I was being Real.
But she wanted me to be 'Real' in her own terms.
If I'm being 'real' in her terms, that means I'm becoming her. Not myself.

I was told to always 'Be Myself', but I find that really tricky.
When I really be myself, I got criticised, hated, disapproved, laughed at, made fun of...
If people keep on doing that, when are we going to be comfortable enough in being ourselves?

Overload.

2007-02-27T14:22:00.000-08:00

I haven't update much lately, have I?

I've had enough of my hairdressing course. It's not working from both sides.
The school is too crappy and careless about the students, and me myself aren't that interested in blowing people's hair for one whole month. I wish applying for PR could be easier.

I wish I could marry a girl for permanent residency sake :D

I'm planning to finish first semester of my hairdressing course, then apply for another course in July. I'm thinking of Asian Cookery course. I like cooking. I knew it from the start. The reason I took hairdressing instead of cooking was because I wanted to learn something new. And all my life, I'm always good in learning new things. I've never chicken out from a course/study before. No matter how much I hate the course, I'll finish it till the end. But this hairdressing course is just... a nightmare! Maybe it could be better if I move to another hairdressing school, one that is more experienced.

Can't wait to get out of that hellhole.

Weekdays are totally suck for me. That is why I party 3498793x harder than I usually did during weekends. And I think i'm becoming an alcoholic. That's a bad sign, I should stop.

I'm gonna watch Deftones + Thrice tonight! Excited!
Not really excited with Thrice though. Deadbolt is the only song I like from Thrice.
But... Fuck Yeah for Deftones!!!

I'm totally in love with Miss Auf Der Maur. Ex- bassist of Hole/Smashing Pumpkins. Followed The Waves is a neat song. Love it!

x

Visit.

2007-02-17T15:45:00.000-08:00

http://darkointhetunnel.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/

Slow Motion.

2007-01-30T21:54:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to Starry ♥
I gave him a pair of adidas sneakers.
I won't forget the happy grin on his face when he opened the present.

I miss my old class
...and therefore it means: I hate my new class :[
Or maybe I just haven't like it yet.
Hopefully soon I'll begin to like it.... .

It's a totally different kind of environment, I'm not used to it. I drag myself everymorning to come to class and blow-wave a mannequin's hair. By the end of the day, her hair is so fried and crispy. If she were a real woman she would have been screaming for mercy when I blow-waved her hair. And If she were one of those emo scene kids, people would totally made fun of her because of her disasterous unfashionable hair.

I feel sorry for my mannequin. Her name is Angie.

Take care ♥

Bullet.

2007-01-19T00:38:00.000-08:00

I'm really tired and had a bad hangover this morning.
I talked way too much when I was drunk.

Fortunately this time nobody's feelings got hurt.

One of the modelling agency I applied to called me for interview (or probably they just wanna prove how horrible I look in real life XD)
They told me for fashion/artistic photography my kind of look isn't on demand. They want white girls, or chinese girls with small eyes and really petite ones. My look isn't Caucasian, and not too Asian either. So even if they accepted me I woule be commercial ad models. Which they said, will make more money.

Oh well, I can't be too idealistic.

They ask me to re-send a disc that contain my photos, and they will have a meeting to decide whether or not they should take me in. *sigh... crossing my fingers*.
Being 'rejected' as a fashion model due to my un-petite body and big eyes makes me really happy, actually. I would NEVEREVEREVEREVER wanna have small eyes and petite body like other chinese girls. Those two things are just..... just..... not looking good in real life. Hmmm, no offence to those who are chinese, have small eyes and petite. I'm sure many people would love small eyes and petite chinese girls. But not me, and I can't deny it. I think girls look really really hot with big eyes and curves. And big boobs. ;P

My job hunting is making a good progress.
I got an interview with IGA Supermarket where Starry works this Saturday, and with Lupicia tea shop this Monday.
And I definetely prefer Lupicia, because it's a cute shop and there's not much people going in there. So it's not busy. And I love tea!!!

More photos of Aura Phobia @arthouse

The gig last Wednesday was great. One of the best Aura Phobia gig I've ever been. The sound system was great.

Gonna go and watch Pan's Labyrinth tonight.
Marisa is going back to Indonesia for holiday tonight.
Sob... I'll miss you darling. Please be back soon. Don't let me rot with boredom and leave me friendless in this fucking humid city.

And don't forget to bring me lots of fake dvds!!! XD

These two days are one of those days when I feel the right to be bitchy, whiny, and a little high-maintanence.
Don't take my words too personally, give physical attention but NOT mental attention to my complaints and whining, do whatever I say as long as it doesn't kill you, and take me to places with good air conditioning... if you still want to live and not losing one or two fingers.....

Madness.

2007-01-12T19:09:00.000-08:00

Starry and I went to watch Babel the movie last night.
I like it. Recommended. It left me feeling a little melancholic though.
The story about the desperate-for-love deaf/mute Japanese girl is something that I could relate with to in my younger years. Didn't get much love from her father and being isolated by the society, she gets a little too desperate to find love (and maybe sex). I used to be just like her, but slightly different (cos I don't flash my vagina to some random guys, and I don't invite police officers to my home and get naked in front of him).

I wasn't close with my dad when I was younger. I hardly talked to him. He hardly cared much about me. My dad used to be a really quiet man, and he hardly showed any affection to anyone except my mom. He's always been a great guy, but he was just not the kind of person who tell his daughter that he loved her or something. So I grew up wanting too much attention from people, especially guys. Sometimes there were times I could get really desperate.
But in the past few years, I don't know why and I don't know how, we became closer, and now we're having a good father-daughter relationship :] And I don't seek for attention as much as I used to.

It's something that you boys (or your future husband) should be reminded about. Care for your daughter. A LOT. Talk to her, tell her you love her, pat her on the head or shoulder. Or else she might grew up to become some desperate little bitch trying to get every guys' attention. It's proven by psychologists.

I'm getting sick of this job search I've been going through. Nobody seem to want to employ me. What' wrong with me???? Am I not cute enough for them? ahahahahaha. Just kidding. I'll go and submit more resume today. I need a job. I need money. I need more money to buy vinyl toys. :P
Someone is becoming a vinylaholic.

Filler Bunny, Me, and the almighty Optio...

Sometimes I grieve for deaths that haven't happen yet.
I have my friends that I've lost.

On the first night of 2007.

2007-01-01T22:40:00.000-08:00

New Year countdown @Waterfront City, Docklands.
Fireworks. Beer. Street Performances. A sea of people.
Starry become an uncle on the 31st of December [what an odd time to give birth. Cos this means the baby will celebrate her birthday on new years eve, and everyone will combine her birthday present/wishing/cards/party with new year n christmas.]
His sister had a baby girl in Canberra.
We're going to visit this month. Can't Wait ^^
Despite the fact that I HATE BABIES N KIDS, I'm excited to see this baby. hahaha.

Fireworks@Docklands.

At the end of the video I mouthed, "Happy New Year".

photos

Supposed to meet some other people but we got seperated and the mobile phone connection is screwed. Too many people sending msgs/calling one another.

I hope everyone had a great n fun new year.
And all your wishes in 2007 will come true.

My wishes:
1. MUST lose weight.
2. MUST have flat abs.
3. Start making money and doing serious jobs.
4. Another good year for my relationship.

Cheers!!!

Doll.

2007-01-01T22:39:00.001-08:00

I'm a doll. Just a doll.
Soft on the outside, cotton white stuffing on the inside.
What else can I say....
I feel painless, I feel nothing.
That's how I like it.
I was once alive and breathing, just like everyone else.
But I chose to be this way.
For the pain of being able to 'feel' is excruciating.
I chose how I've always wanted to be.

DEAD.

Santa Baby.

2006-12-24T21:42:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!!!

Hope ya'll have a great one!

Mine sucks. As always.
Not to mention the gloomy n chilly weather in Melbourne.
Christmas mass in the morning which I hate.
Christmas is probably the only time in the year I step into the holy place. Other times I can't be bothered.
Well, my parents are here. That's another reason that makes me go to church.

Thank you for those who send me xmas cards. They're beautiful!

I really want a pair of rain boots. Preferably in baby blue with dots!!!
Sadly I could hardly find it in Australia :(
I'll probably get em off ebay.

I'm reading Dance Dance Dance by Haruki Murakami.
Quite a stoner book. very slow-paced, repetitive but imaginative. In fact, sometimes I cant tell the difference whether the narrator is seeing something real or just out of his fantasy.
Similar to how my life has been lately.

Slow and repetitive.
Just like the stoner riff.

I can't wait for my life to be recharged like it used to be. Living fast. Never dies. Till I have no more time wasted for sleep.

Fuck.

2006-12-12T07:47:00.000-08:00

I need the one and only subtitute to all the chemicals that work to keep my head straight.

Tomorrow is the graduation day.
First time ever in my life I could actually graduate without any hassle.
I graduated from my Primary school with really borderline results. I had to go to the worst secondary school in town.
I didn't graduate from Secondary School at all. Manage to crawl till sec 3(equivalent to year 10), and on the third month of sec 4 I was told that i would not graduate because I failed too many subjects.
Lucky me the university thinks my portfolio rocks.
I hate school. Forever. Never wanna step inside that giant place of crap anymore.
My teachers hated me. They said I was one of the worst student.
But look at me now, bitches.... the worst student is GRADUATING.

Me. Unmasked.

Take a break from judging others. Then take a break from judging that others are judging you.
Conservativity makes me sick. Fuck narrow mindedness of Asian cultures!
Fuck your greed of money, status and conformation!
Fuck your hypocritical selfish judgemental minds!

I live only once. I don't regret a single thing that I've done.

Today.

2006-12-07T20:50:00.000-08:00

Decided to spend the day bymyself. Lately I'm starting to enjoy being alone like I used to.
Maybe it's because of alloftv.net.
Maybe it's because of my new found interest in heavy internet surfing.
I love stuff they sell on the internet. I fell in love with these...

[Sushi pillow]

Today consist of making sushi and cupcakes.

Watching Friends season 1 all over again.
Cleaning my fish aquarium water.

I think my bunny is going through emotional changes. She wreck the newspaper at the base of her hutch into pieces at night. In the afternoon she destroy my sofa.
I'm going to get her desexed anytime soon. Or buy her a new friend. Hope that will make her feel better.

11.36am.

2006-12-06T16:41:00.001-08:00

Don't stare at what you don't like

Just look away, sometimes what you see isn't suppose to fulfill the perfection in your eyes.
I need to do things that are out of my way, out of your way, and out of THE way.
I want to float in the air watching myself trying to cut open the stomach of an elephant.

I'm a fool, but so what.....
Mind your own fucking business.

Unfamiliarity.

2006-12-06T06:54:00.000-08:00

[source: gettyimages.com]

Went to the night market today and ate cupcake that look THAT good. Yum. I'm searching for cupcake recipes right now, I'm going to make one myself. Has any1 ever make cupcakes?

My parents are coming this coming Monday to see me graduate. They get all excited about my graduation.
I don't.
I don't know whats wrong with me. Yesterday night I read the Graduation ceremony schedule and I kept on thinking how bored I'm gonna be. Students from All Courses in my university are going to graduate on the same day, time n place. Which means there are like.... 19237467647836497863 students altogether? ARRGH!!!

MyNation

My Disorder?

What mental disorder do you have? Your Result: OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) You have odd obsessions that you cannot seem to control. You may even perform rituals to make you feel better. Counting and continuously obsessing over things happens frequently.
Manic Depressive
GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
Paranoia
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have?

Planning to go to Canberra after the new year. Starry's sister giving birth to her first child :). Then we're going to Sydney!!! Finally a vacation. Then I'm going back to Indonesia, then I'm planning to stay in Malaysia for a few days to see my friend. I miss her sofuckingmuch!
I'm getting sick of this city.
So sick, cos I could remember the ways to places with my eyes closed, or when I'm asleep. I'm not the 'one thing forever' kind of person. I need changes. I need to move around.
uhm, this doesn't apply to BOYFRIENDS, mind you
I need my hair to change colours, my bedroom be to re-decorated every year, my style to change from time to time. my identity to be shaken and stirred and reformed.
I'm not attracted to things when they get too familiar. I'm not forever.

From now on I'm gonna have Band of the Month thing. Every month I'm going to promote one (or maybe more sometimes) band that 'makes my month'.
This month, it's....

JUCIFER

www.jucifer.com
www.myspace.com/jucifer

Sounds grunge, a bit doom with sweet, sexy vocals but full distorted heavy guitar riffs.

The Morning After.

2006-11-30T17:32:00.001-08:00

That was one happy night. Getting drunk, but not wasted kind of drunk, gets my mind off the stress and the bad mood I had the past few days. I woke up feeling thirsty like hell.

I should be happier. Why not? I'm quite lucky. I have almost everything that I've ever wanted. But of course, human beings could never get ENOUGH.

Next year I'm getting a new health insurance, and I'm planning to use it to the max. I'll go to the doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist as many times as possible. I'm gonna label myself a MEDICAL JUNKIE. haha. Is there any word that describe a person who thinks he/she's physically or mentally ill, even when he/she's not?

Ah well... I think everyone is abnormal. in different ways.

I'm not talking about the mental institution kind of abnormal. I'm talking about the common problem you have in your life. One thing that bothers your life so much. One thing that most of the time is the reason you feel down or depressed.
That thing can be having abnormal love life, sex life, family, social life, brain, heart, health, wealth, etc.
I don't know about you, but I have abnormal mood and feelings, as they keep on changing in an unpredictable pace. If you don't know what you're abnormal at, I guess you're just too proud to admit it.
This life is like going to school/university. Those abnormalities are the assignments you get. But some people might choose to ignore the assignments and failed in the end.
Those people who choose to do the assignment, they're the scientists. They're using their abnormality as the research topic and themselves as the guinea pig. Only God knows how long this research will take. I can only conduct my research once a month. It sucks.

I can't wait for graduation n renewing my passport... cos after that, my hair is gonna be RED!!!! BLOOD RED!!!!! \m/!!!!!!!!!!

Mochi

2006-11-15T18:02:00.001-08:00

New baby bunny. Her name is Mochi.

It's still a baby but it moves a lot. I like bunnies that moves a lot. When it's quiet I think it might be sick.

I hate being asleep lately because I keep on getting bad dreams. Last night I dreamed about being kept in a location with lots of other people (all my friends from school are there), and we were just waiting to be released to fight in the war. While waiting we build strategies to attack the enemies. And there was this guy, a faceless guy, who tried to escape many times. Then he got tricked by one of the doctors. And guess who's playing the doctor, it was Dr. Perry Cox from Scrubs. He told him about one exit door and that there will be no army keeping an eye on that door. So he got out, and once he stepped out... BOOM... something exploded and it killed him. Poor thing.

I wish I could dream of something wonderful, something that will makes me laugh in my sleep (yes, it happened a couple of times. I laugh out loud when I slept and it scares the person who sleep next to me). Or maybe something plain. I'm SICK OF NIGHTMARES!!!!!!

I'm downloading Desperate Housewives season 3. Shit, I'm addicted. When I'm done downloading all of them there will be no more shows left for me to watch.
Recommend me some good TV series. But I'm not into CSI, Law n Order kind of things. But I do like something like Deadwood. And, I dont know why but I dont like The OC.

I'm totally worried about my health insurance. I haven't paid it since December 2004. Then now my friend told me that I can't graduate unless I pay it full, because I'm an overseas student. By paying full, it means that I have to pay from January 2005 until today, which might cost me about AU$1000-ish. DAMN! So much it takes to graduate.
I'm also worried about having my parents coming to Australia to visit. Then they'll meet Starry. Sure, he had met them before, even before we were officially a couple. But I'm afraid both of them not getting along. Starry is worried as well. And I'm worried my mom will say stuff that will embarrass me. Cos she often do that. Like... telling people about my childhood behaviour, which I'm ashamed of. Or maybe I'm just paranoid over nothing. Cos even if my mom will do that... most probably Starry will just laugh.

Noise.

2006-11-14T15:33:00.000-08:00

Aaaarghhhh!!!!! what the hell is happening with my neighbours???

It's only 10 am in the morning... And i heard sounds of door banging every now and then, Dum-dum bass sound from some trance music, a baby is crying, and the police car sound.
AND THEY'RE ALL LOUD!!!!!!!

Are they fucking crazy?!?!?!
Feels like something's thumping my head now. I can't sleep anymore. Damn you neighbours!!!!!!!

I kept on waking up last night due to a couple of bad dreams. In the first dream my boyfriend's acting like a jerk. He's abandoning me and keep on shouting at me, when I was going to breakup with him (even in my dream it's hard to do it), I woke up and saw him still sleeping innocently beside me. So I hugged him.
Then I fell asleep again, and the second dream was quite unclear. I found out that I'm the grand daughter of one of Indonesian's late president (p.s: Indonesians, guess who!). So I get to live in a very large white house with all the servants and bodyguards. But... whenever I go outside people treated me like shit. I went to bodyshop, dropped some face creams and the shopkeeper threatened to call the police. oh my....

Then, the loud sounds woke me. *sigh*

Wake up to another gloomy and cold day. The weather is fucked up. It's supposed to be summer now... but it feels like winter/autumn. When do I get the chance to wear skirts???

2006-11-14T01:21:00.000-08:00

Stay at home the whole day.

Surprisingly I'm not bored. Usually I'm not a stay at home girl. But today the weather is cold, I'm quite tired, makes me lazy to go out. Probably I'm going swimming at my apartment's pool after this.
I edited Starry's photos I took 2 days ago with his samurai costume n swords. The result is pretty good, I think. But some of them are probably too dark, because I'm using Apple Macintosh, and usually the colour that I see here is brighter than what people see in Windows. Let me know if u can's see a thing. Haha.

More @Flickr.

Wolf Slayer.

2006-11-12T08:27:00.000-08:00

My housemate is having her holiday in Gold Coast for 4 nights.
Me and Starry have the whole house for ourselves. Isn't that fun! I can walk around the house naked. Haha!

Went to meet Jonny and Ferdy to discuss about design stuff this afternoon. Then I came back and did a session of camwhoring, wearing my haloween costume. I was Red Riding Hood. I just love the costume so much I wish I could wear it everyday.
I'm a costume freak. I prefer wearing costume than wearing fashionable clothes. I wish that Haloween happen once every month, so that I could try different costumes each month. Or somebody (or myself) should start a costume freak club, and held costume party every month. Sadly, most people around me are too normal.

The Wolf Slayer

Haloween Party

[More Wolf Slayer and Haloween Party pics @ Flickr]

The holiday has only been a week and I'm already starting to get bored. Where are my friends by the way.... I don't hear a sound from them ever since the party. I assume they're still 'dead'. I miss the old times... go to a bar, drinking and talking shit.
No more shopping. And I swear I will not go shopping with other people anymore. No matter who they are, their age or gender. For me, personally, shopping is more fun to be done ALONE.

Ah... I'm sleepy.

White.

2006-11-11T10:14:00.000-08:00

Can't Sleep.

Went to watch Jackass Two the movie with Starry and Alex.
I underestimated the movie before, that was why I didn't watch the first one or the tv series. I thought it was stupid. It turns out.... I like it. It's fun watching a bunch of idiots making a complete fool of themselves. Yeah, they're stupid... and it's a stupid movie. But it's not useless afterall. It's refreshing and entertaining. Sometimes it's fun watching something without having to think about the art, the cinematography, the graphic, the storyline, the plot, the character, the acting, the symbolism, the metaphors and WHATEVER FUCKING SHIT design/art student normally care so much about.
This movie bases strongly on my opinion that GUYS ARE STUPID. hahah. They have their idiotic, childish alter ego hidden somewhere between those beard and muscles. Oh well, I still love my boy so much anyway...

Oh, by the way... Johnny Knoxville is hot. I'm in love.

Insomnia and Lust hit me tonight.
Let me put it this way... I'm insomniac and lusting, He is sleepy, tired and have to get up early tomorrow morning, and my housemate is right outside my bedroom doing her projects.
I tell ya, that is a bad bad combination. I tried to hide it, but I can't help looking agitated.
But then he read my mind... and mission accomplished in silent mode. I love him so much for that.

Hahahahahh.... I'm wondering if anyone know what I'm talking about *wink*

*yawn*

Brain on hiatus.

2006-11-11T01:35:00.000-08:00

My brain is on hiatus. This week... I allow my brain to take a vacation to the neverland, and let my physical control my deeds. It feels good, although I'm prone to making mistakes. Oh well... I always do, even with my brain.
So yesterday was a very tiring (but happy) day. I went to Novi's birthday party at the loft, but only stay there for like an hour n a half... but surprisingly I was drunk enough. Then I had to continue to my uni's haloween party, I dressed up as little red riding hood (p.s: mir, minta foto donk....), then went home at about 4am-ish, and I was dead tired.
Today I was supposed to go to MENTALFEST, a music festival at the Espy, StKilda. But I'm lazy to go there all by myself, So I decided to just wander around the city, submitting resumes. I submitted 3 today, to TOXIC, Bardot and Lion Hotel Bar. I've been dreaming to work in Lion Hotel Bar. It's my fave bar in Melbourne... ever. I love the environment. But anyway, I really need to get a job. I need extra cash, and I think I'm gonna get bored soon.
Then I went to safeway to buy some stuff to cook for dinner (I'm cooking bulgogi tonight!) and there was a man who stole stuff in safeway. He walked beside my line to the exit, and the theft alarm sounds. He kept on walking until the security stopped him and checked his shopping bag, which was a BigW bag, not safeway's. The security asked the safeway cashier girl whether he bought anything, she said no. Then when he asked him to go to bigW to get his stuff rescanned, he just run away and the security chased after him, grabbed his shirt till it came off. Then he was still running. It was quite an...... (interesting?) scene. I don't think he stole a big stuff (it was just a small bag)... oh well, so much chaos for a small thing.

Starry bought me this cute stuffed elephant. I named him Pocky. Now I'm so attached to him. I love biting his nose and his ears.

Then he also bought himself a chopper knife toy from the costume shop. It's really cute to see him with this chopper knife, cos his face lights up like a 5 year old who gets a baloon whenever he's playing with it. hahahaha.
So we take this picture.....

Gotta cook dinner now.

1:2:3:4:5:666.

2006-10-31T22:52:00.000-08:00

6 days to total freedom.

oh, and HAPPY BELATED HALOWEEN to those who celebrate it.
We're having our last uni haloween party on the 10th. Can't wait!!! This year the theme is Alter Ego.
My alter ego has always been any kind of woman who kills, or anykind of powerful women. My favourite character is schoolgirl who play samurai swords, like Gogo from Killbill vol1. I guess I'm gonna dress up as Gogo. But me and Starry want to dress up with something similar. We have some ideas:

- Me: Gogo, Starry: one of the crazy88 guys with black suit n black tie and swords.
- Me: Samurai girl wearing kimono, Starry: Samurai boy
- Me: Police woman, Starry: Criminal
- Me: (sexy) nurse, Starry: Mental Institution Patient (I'll definetely do something with his hair to make him look MAD)
- and here's MY idea, but Starry hates it. Me: sexy Santa girl, Starry: a real santa claus with fake HUGE tummy and loong white beard. Haha!

Which one do u think will suit us?

Just came back from uni to print stuff. Printing is a PAIN IN THE ASS. I mean, designing the stuff isn't such a bigdeal. I just need my brain and eyes to make them look good. But Printing..... especially using macintosh... the thing that come out of the printer doesn't look the same with the one on the screen sometimes. Then I imagine I have to cut them one by one... neatly (my weakest area is to do something NEAT), bind them, glue them together... AAAAARGH!!!!!

So far my works are looking good (that's what I think... n I don't care about what YOU think). Atleast I'm looking at pieces of works that I would take if they were given out for free (or buy them if they were really cheap).

Update! Update!

New Photos of Aura Phobia in my Flickr. I hope they like it.

A few freshly scanned illustration. Gonna put em in deviantart when my internet connection is fast (I don't know why... but it's really slow lately.)

Gotta go. Good luck for your exams, projects, assignments of whatever if you have any.

"....Gue Percaya ama Loe."

2006-10-25T23:40:00.000-07:00

It's harder to say than saying, "Gue sayang ama Loe."

Gue sayang kok ama dia. Sayang banget. Dan nggak susah buat sayang ama orang kayak dia.
Tapi percaya? errr.....

Ini sih bukan salah DIA-nya. Dia bisa dipercaya. Dia nggak pernah aneh2, dia selalu tepat janji, tepat waktu, dia percaya banget ama gue.......
Tapi GUE nya yang emang nggak bisa percaya ama SEMUA ORANG. Coba gue itung.... seumur idup, ada berapa orang yg gue percaya sepenuhnya dan selamanya........

.... nggak satupun.

Dulu gue feel totally comfortable with my anti-trust self. Gue ngerasa, nggak perlu kok gue percaya ama org laen. Gue cuma perlu percaya ama diri gue sendiri. Cuma GUE yg tau how to control myself, and how to control others. Gue gak perlu terlalu deket ama orang sampe2 harus PERCAYA ama tu orang. Being a sweet, caring friend, but still keeping a distance in certain extend, is the best way.

Jadi kalo ada orang yang bisa sampe dapet kepercayaan gue sepenuhya, that person must be God.
(And yes, I believe in God. But God is not a person and he's not alive.)

But last night, shit happen, n gue akhirnya mesti bikin keputusan whether or not I can trust him.
Karena dia bilang dia capek, sama kecurigaan gue yang nggak ada alesan jelas, sama keraguan gue ama feeling dia k gue....., karena dia bilang gue actually bisa percaya sama dia, dan dia bisa jadi orang pertama yg bisa gue percaya..., karena dia BUTUH gue percaya supaya dia bisa tenang, atow lama2 dia bisa hilang kesabaran.

Jadi akhirnya I take the first step to start what I've decide to do. Even though it made my lips trembled, my heart choked my throat, my body shivered in fear, gue turunin harga diri gue yang dulunya setinggi langit dan kesombongan gue buat percaya sama orang lain. Oh man, rasanya bener2 kayak berdiri di antrian Giant Drop n penjaganya udah ngebuka gerbang nyuru gue masuk n take the ride....

I finally said those for words that are bigger than my life, saved the relationship, and I truly want to mean it.

First whiny entry of the month.

2006-10-25T00:12:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure whether it's because of the heat, my pms, or I just have lack of sleep last night... but I feel like I've been beaten up and I feel so weak. I'm waiting for my starbucks coffee... Grande Cappucinno with two sachets of diet sugar and hell lots of chocolate powder (hope he gets it right), then I'll have some power to do my illustration map shit.

God knows I HATE this project.
It's too complicated, and my brain is not organised enough to draw a map that has to be based on reality.
Reality sucks!!! I wanna create something that is unreal!

I need to WHINE

- MILKY BAR SUCKS!!!!
Why do people eat them anyway? They taste like solid plain milk and they make me sick!

- I don't know why... but TODAY... everyone's face is ugly, everyone's voice is annoying, I want to beat up my teddy bear and throw him out the window (but i'll miss him....), I want to kick everyone in the ass, and make little children cry!!!!!

- I wanna annoy people around me. Make them angry. And I'll laugh in Victory.

- I can't show my unreasonable anger to my boyfriend this month... cos I've promised myself not to. I have to have SELF CONTROL. *take a deep breath.... breathe out slowly.... calm down..... I can do it....*

- I know this is weird... but since last night... I can't stop thinking WHY does HELL and JAIL has to rhyme a little?

- I just wanna sit back and relax on a comfy bed in a bedroom where the sun doesn't heat it up like an oven (definetely NOT my bedroom), wear nice cami and panties, drink long island ice tea, and have other people to run errands for me... and be really2 HIGH MAINTANANCE just for TODAY.
oh please... my whole life... I've become a girl who doesn't ask too much, be independent, do my own stuff and deal with my own problems without dragging people inside to suffer with me. So FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE... I wanna be 'maintained highly'.
Just like (most) other indonesian girls in Melbourne. HAHA.

Ugh!!!!!!!!! I'm against the world.... all bymyself, n I don't need anyone's company.

hotdayz.

2006-10-21T21:59:00.000-07:00

From now on I'm gonna be more serious in doing my final projects. I only have 2 weeks left as a student, I have to be serious unless I want to go through another year of this. No way.
I have to finish MIFF n magazine projects by monday. So i'll have the whole 2 weeks for theory journal and illustrations.

I had a fun day yesterday shooting photos for a band called Aura Phobia. I'll post photos in flickr when I'm done with the editing. I'm going to do their press kits for their upcoming tour in december as well. I'm excited ^^!!!

I've signup for deviant art account: [zerophobic]. That's where I'm gonna put my graphic design/illustrations work. I had an online porfolio: [bunnysuicide], but they only allow me to put up 10 works, and they're not so flexible. So far there r only 4 works in deviant art, but I'm gonna put more by next week after I've scan them all :D

I'm a little disappointed I can't go to Gigantour this coming Tuesday. I wanna save up money to have fun after 6th of November. Yeah, I'm gonna have 1 month of unlimited FUN! I'm NOT gonna spend it just for a night of sweaty, screamy night watching metal bands (no matter how bad I wanna see Arch Enemy again).

I feel sorry for one of the most annoying kid in the world who goes to my school (if you go to RMIT comm design course, u'll know who I'm talking about). She has a crush with a third-year guy since the beginning of the year... she's CRAZY about him. So finally, since the end of the year is coming, and next year the guy won't be around anymore, she sent an email to the guy saying that she has a feeling for him. Then the guy said he already has a girlfriend.

But, as far as I know... that guy doesn't have a girlfriend. He lied because he thinks she's freaky. I feel really sorry for her, even though I always try to run away from her in school. But trust me, if you were me, u'll do that too.

So Bloody Ravenous.

2006-10-20T01:24:00.000-07:00

I'M FUCKIN HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going out for dinner with my uni friends, supposedly in 15 minutes time... but bloody hell, they postpone it to 7pm cos the restaurant will only be open by then.
And i'm already sooo hungry.

So, last night I went to see Unearth, Lamb of God and Killswitch Engage in concert.
They're great, but the sound is bad. It's too noisy. It's always noisy in the Palace complex. Same thing when I went for Arch Enemy concert. ah... whatever.
But my ears are still deaf.

I'M HUNGRYYYYY I'M HUNGRYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder if my boyfriend ever think that he's so damn lucky to have a girl like me... and that if he's with other girls he might not be as happy as he is.
hmmm.....

Broken.

2006-10-18T22:55:00.000-07:00

I'm completely... dead-end... broke.
Well, sure I still have some money. but that money will be gone by end of this month cos I need to pay my rent and my graduation (Motherfuckers, why do we have to PAY for our damn graduation?!?! Isn't our course fee expensive enough?!?!). So I really don't know what to eat next month.
I can ask money from my parents, but it's gonna cost me a deaf ear cos my mom is gonna give me lectures about how to save money. Well, face the fact that graphic design projects cost lots of money, dammit!

As usual... whenever I go broke, I start to imagine things I'm gonna do in order to get money.
One of the common dreams I have when I'm broke is finding a chunk of money on the street where no one is watching. It's gonna be about 2000 bucks, so i put them in my pocket and make them mine. Finders, Keepers.

Or, I think of winning lotteries or some sort of... instant money from a lucky draw. I just cant understand, I've tried to enter those lucky draw competitions a few times in my life, and the only time I ever won was when I enter a baby food competition when I was younger by colouring the pictures inside the packaging, and I won a teddy bear. I never won any money!!! Do they really give away money or is that just some business tricks to make people buy more of their products??????

Lately I've also been thinking... I should marry an old millionaire. Imagine, one of those old guys whose wife has died a few years ago... he has been soo lonely... he's just waiting for their time to arrive when he is going to be with the late wife forever in heaven, but his bank accounts are everywhere... and he has endless money. But, he can't spend it on anything because he's basically just too old for everything... so why not spend on a young wife... like me? So i'll marry him for a year... treat him nicely, make him give me money and buy me sweet little precious gifts... for about one or two years....

then........, BAM!!!

I'll have an affair... with a young 20-something guy named Starry.
My old husband will be so devastated that he's gonna have a heart attack, and die. On his deathbed, he'll write his last letter to me, saying that he forgives me, and he loves me so dearly, and he give EVERYTHING that he has to me.

From then on... me and the guy named Starry, lives happily... and FILTHY RICH... ever after.

The end.

ohmygod..... I watch too much Desperate Housewives.

16 days.

2006-10-18T01:04:00.000-07:00

In 16 days my life as a student will be over.

I'm not that happy. In fact, I'm worried.
No, worried isn't good enough to express how i feel. I'm PARANOID .

What if I don't get a job? Most of my good friends are going back for good end of this year, then who am I going to hangout with next year? Will I find friends like them again? How about money? In a short time my parents will ask me to rely on myself for expenses. WHERE THE HELL can I get those extra cash to buy the things that I want? What if no graphic design firm find my works interesting? What if everything falls apart? What if... what if... what if..........................

I hate goodbyes as much as I hate a new beginning. But I dislike everything that doesn't change either. It gets boring.

The only thing that excites me from graduating is when I can finally find a job that makes me wear those sexy secretary outfit and seduce the hot boss and get pay raise as a thank you.........................
Hahah. Just kidding. I'll seduce my own man at home, then as a return he'll wash the dishes for me. :P
I'm also excited to finally be able to make money to fulfill my dreams. There are my dreams:
- I'm gonna oraganise a gig for ALL Indo-melbournians rock bands. This is a straight edge rock gig. There's NO RnB or pop allowed, no acoustic... if there;s no distortion then you can fuck off. There will be auditions. And those that we don't like will be rejected in the most unreasonable manner, such as: "oh I'm sorry, you've got three guitarists... you're not accepted."

- I'm gonna buy that bar in Croft Ln/Pl/whatever... called Kroft Institute. Cos it's lookin' baaad, when I think it has the potential to look so damn good. And I'm gonna turn it to something waaaaaaay cooler. The bartenders will wear bloody nurse outfits, music: goth industrial, the shots will be drank out of testtubes... and I'm thinking of a cool way to drink the beer and cocktails. hmmm. If I cant buy kroft institute then I'm gonna open it in other place.

- I'm gonna have my own clothing line and toys. :D :D

Now... I CAN'T WAIT to graduate.

My firsts.

2006-10-15T23:13:00.000-07:00

"I'm neither one of them, nor one of you. I'm ME.
I'm the one who stand in the corner, smirking at you expensive uniformity that expose your cheap insecurity..."

I wake up one morning and suddenly realising that I'm sick of metalcore songs.

Well, I'm not saying that I've become anti-metalcore and start listening to Chiara or Snoop Dog (Trust me.... RnB IS still the worst kind of music that ever goes through my ears). It's just that... all metalcore songs sound similar, with all their similar riffs, especially the BREAKDOWN and built up.... and they're becoming one of those overrated genres!!!!! I don't find the... 'art' in metalcore anymore.
Besided that, I'm just SICK and TIRED of falling under the label of being a 'metalhead'. Fuck metalheads. All they're saying is they don't wanna be labelled or judged, but unconsciously, they let themselves be labelled as a bloody metalhead. And I hate how they stereotype themselves and their kinds, like... how they think that BLACK is the only colour that metalhead should wear, and if they don't do certain things they're not 'metal' enough. Oh well, fuck that... we're all human and music is NOT about the shirt, your fucking long hair and your attitude.
I can listen to metal and wear a hello kitty shirt at the same time... and NO metalhead can diss me about that.

Okay, enuff said. If you're a metalhead, don't attack me... just realise that what I said is true for most of you.

I guess I might take a break from listening to too much metalcore for a while and start to be open to more music genre.

Lately I'm into shoe-gazing music.... bands like My Bloody Valentine, Slowdive, Friday (Indonesian shoe-gaze band... they're the BEST!!!!), TheRedsunBand........
I can see the 'art' in those music, u know.... and what's even better... not many people like them... so they don't become boring or overrated anytime soon. Atleast I hope so.

My life as a student will be over in a few weeks, n I still can't believe that. I really gonna miss being a student. This year has been quite a great year. Lots of things happen this year for the first time.
My first kiss (yea yea... I kind of saving my lips for the one I really love.)... and of course the kiss leads to something else further... for the first time ;), My first real love, my first valentine, My first rose, My first long distance relationship, my first bunny, my first dead pet (pinkponk, my dog for 11 years, died early this year), my first time touching a dead living thing (trixie and morgoth), my first birthday spent with a boyfriend, my first band, my first gig ^^, my first time becoming a model for someone else's photoshoot, my first graphic design job (even though I didn't get paid at all)........ wow. I guess my life is just starting ;).

Hello.

2006-10-14T23:22:00.000-07:00

Hi, so here's where I'm gonna post my blog from now on. If you wanna read my previous posts, please go to:
http://chokedbyhalos.livejournal.com.

Thank you.